Ron's Brain

Yep.

On the plus side, though, I think I have the #rontourage espresso machine figured out.

The moles in the greater Lansing area have been truly phenomenal these last 2 years. The initial mowing of the backyard required a very light step, lest ye twist yon ankle in yarr mole hole.

YARR!!!

We dish out the token Grub-X treatment, but apparently there remains a sufficient quantity of dead and/or lethargic grubs for them to feed on. Since biological warfare is clearly loosing me the front, I may step things up to chemical. I'm sure the 10 gallons of used motor oil in my garage, properly sent down the tunnel network & subsequently ignited will produce, if nothing, a spectacular show of fireworks that will make me feel a little better. And because I'll have burned it all off - no harm to the environment!!!1

...Is it strange I have never seen a mole, or the traces of one in a yard?

I'm currently doing all yardwork in exchange for no living expense. No moles here, just a giant Alaskan Malamute that loves to dig holes. Also, for the love of all that is holy, it is sure great to have my computer back.

Maybe thats why there's no moles, they all know that if they come in the yard, they'll get dug up and tossed around and exposed to the light which they hate because it turns them into a ball of fire and they explode.

I heard that a stick of Wrigley's Spearmint gum, STILL WRAPPED in the tinfoil and placed invitingly for moles and other critters, was a good way to end the mole problem. I don't know if the gum gums up the works or they die from the tinfoil, but I know it didn't work on the chipmunk who loves to torment Lord Stanley when he visits me.