Ron's Brain

Beowulf -- Ultra Condensed:

Hrothgar
Let's build a big old dining hall and call it Herot.

(They do. Then Grendel, an ugly guy, takes over Herot and eats people. Beowulf rips his arm off.)

All
You rule, Beowulf.

(Some people make SPEECHES and tell IRRELEVANT STORIES. Beowulf kills some more STUFF.)

Beowulf
Wiglaf, I'm dying. See that my funeral pyre fits my greatness.

Wiglaf
Ok.

THE END

Pretty good.. except its in Old English so you have to add "u"s all over the place and throw in some Norwegian.

Do you think she's been in love with Ricky Martin since his Menudo days, because that would be kind of creepy.

Ummmm no I have not been in love with Ricky since Menudo, or his stint on All My Children...I love him for who he is now! Ricky come home to momma!

Thats messed up.

If you worked with me you would understand.

Ricky's my uncle. The physique runs in the family.

This is more like a "Roast a member of the week", which may actually be a better idea.

"Aah Annie... She's humble and modest - and she has good reason to be"

Annie? Kristy? Dude, you totally linked to my profile instead of Annie's. Sheesh!

Oops.

Josh,

*golf clap*

How would you condense Gilgamesh or the Elder Edda?

I think it would go like "My name is Gilgamesh, blah blah blah. My mom's a goddess, blah blah blah." and then he'd drill for oil and buy Mercedes Benzes.