Sarah is up and out the door in the morning before the sun even considers showing itself, so it's up to me to get the girls ready for the day. Now that neither of them are really babies, I'm no longer able to throw any old clothes on them and be satisfied. I have to have the right clothes with the right pictures on them, I have to do the hair, I have to be creative so I can pass off an ordinary pair of white socks as a "princess" accessory... the list goes on. The more I do this, the more I realize that I am not, nor was I ever, a little girl.
The hair thing I'm not so good at. I recall my first attempt, which resulted in two pony tails that were so far from being at the same height you'd think her head was deformed. Ashamed, I simply removed them and let it be. I've been getting better, and I think that Brianna's hair was excellent yesterday. Today, not so much, but it's because I tried to use barrettes. These things confound me to no end. It seems so simple! Put them in the hair, they keep the hair back, done. In my practical experience, however, I put them in, some of the hair stays back, there's an overflow of hair, the barrette gets lost, Brianna isn't happy, I send her to day care with barrettes hanging from her head. I see the fundamentals behind them, but I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong. And don't get me started with braids.
Brianna isn't in diapers. She gets to wear big girl panties. I need to hold these things up and move them around to figure out which way is the front. It's like a Rubik's cube of undergarments or something. It's easy for me to tell which way my underwear goes. Unless I've eaten too much Taco Bell, the hole goes in the front. Does the tag belong on a particular side? Left side? Right? Gah!
When not stripping herself naked, Brianna likes to wear dresses. I've been keeping her in pants because it's been chilly out, but people tell me to put her in some tights and she can wear a dress. Is this warm? How thick should the tights be? How badly will she be scarred if I make her wear pants under her dress?
Looking for some insight here, ladies. I know there are a few of you out there. This goes for you too, Sarah. Also, I know which of you are posing as ladies. Stop e-mailing me.