Ron's Brain

Today, we review what PCOutsider has called, "One of the worst ideas since they made up France!" Burning Things is made by the same company that brought you every Steven Segal movie. Not only does this game lack a plot, but it also lacks intelligence, charisma, dexterity, and it's even lacking in strength, making the best Japanese-made-for-America game since Breaking Things.

The game starts out with a series of trivial questions like the game Trivial Pursuit. However, these questions suck. And when I say suck, I mean suck. And when I mean suck, they must really suck. For example, "How many potatoes..." It took me 3 hours to get past that questoin alone.

Then after about 5 of these types of questions, the game actually starts. Being a poor, first-person shoot-'em-up, this game gets boring rather quickly. All that the character does is run around a town of 4 streets trying to burn things without running out of gas. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Well it is. This game is so easy I beat it in 15 mintues. Those damn questions were harder than the game itself.

The only redeeming part about this game is the final boss. Fire. That's right, you have to burn fire. Sounds impossible, doesn't it? Well it is. The trick is to burn the four fire-fighters that are trying to put out the fire.

Not many people understand what makes this such a dumb game. Wait, no, everyone understands why this is such a dumb game. It's from Japan and they tried to make it to American ideas. Wrong! Next topic: the ratings.

(On a scale of 1 - 10)
Playability: 1
Architecture: Is that even spelled right?
Chomsky Factor: 1/0
Handleingness: Are these Bush's ratings or something?
Allowance for monkey-business: 1/2

After doing the calculations using Microsoft Calculator, I get an average score of... Error.

Join me next week when I review: Some game I made up to update this site.